[originally posted on facebook]
Another small post (when compared to the last one! 😉 )
(2nd) Thought for the day…
I was thinking about the Internet and our need for healing. There’s a lot of mixed stuff on the internet and very strong emotions fly about. I was thinking about people’s reactions to things in general and how strong those reactions can be.
Many who have had experiences in their life where they couldn’t fight back, due to abuse or bullying or being attacked or trapped in some way, can have a lot of fight energy stuck in their systems if they have been unable to really ‘be’ with all they felt in the experiences to clear it.
If they are unaware of it they can end up taking all that anger or hurt out on other people, in a bid to try and take their power back. Even by just picking fights on the internet…which is an easy platform to use of course as it is a relatively safe place to try and reassert their power without the risk of being physically hurt.
Traumas are hard. They leave us with a lot of stuff inside that we often don’t really want to go near…for obvious reasons! Who would WANT to revisit the humiliation of being bullied, or raped, or being the odd kid at school. We stay away from it to protect ourselves from very painful memories…which is fair enough…but it often means that all those feelings can come out in other subconscious or unconscious ways. We may end up with addictions or unhelpful behaviours to numb it out, or we may find ourselves picking fights with strangers, or being horrible to the lass on the check out at tesco, or abusing a call centre operative out of our own inner hurt or frustration.
I experienced this recently and came close to committing gbh on an 80 year old woman!! I know…extreme. She had attacked me over sms. Her words were one thing, but the energy behind it was so provocative and venomous it actually had me shaking! Not with fear. But with anger. I’m normally quite a calm and reasonable person in general…even if i do post strange things on Facebook and swear a lot in my poetry 😉 so it quite amazed me how strongly her attack had affected me.
I am quite self-aware so I knew she’d triggered some rage feelings I still have inside me from when I was attacked at 16. I’ve done quite a lot of work to heal that trauma but there is still some left…enough apparently for me to briefly consider going round to a little old lady’s house and giving her possibly even more than a piece of my mind!
I didn’t of course…as i knew my feelings weren’t about her…even though her attack was out of the blue and out of order. Also, with knowing her history, I knew that her attack wasn’t actually at me, it was at various men who had mistreated and abused her and her daughter in their past. Men who she had been too afraid to stand up to at that time…so HER anger and injustice were playing out in the wrong direction too.
These ‘life’ things aren’t easy. I do feel that self-awareness and healing are needed very deeply. For us all. Until we truly understand ourselves and our experiences, (and how they affect us on a daily level,) it is very easy to misplace our anger or our hurt. Even the helplessness of losing a loved one can make us angry and prone to taking that anger out on others. It is understandable and a part of loss and grieving…but being aware of it hopefully stops us from needing to hurt others.
I don’t say any of this with judgement…I’m still not through my own journey with these things as my earlier confession of near-potential-gbh illustrates!…but I really do feel that we can all grow and heal and evolve if we can stop attacking each other. The ‘powers that be’ know full well that if we are kept fighting amongst ourselves, not only does it weaken us and provides them with a lot of emotional energy to use, it also distracts us from bigger things that are going on on this planet.
We are much more powerful when we all work together and help each other rather than attack each other.